The tears that stained your father’s t-shirt now stained my pillow.
My sobs syncing in time with my heartbeat.
Where you live.
How do you miss someone who never existed?
I can see your face.
Hear your laugh.
Feel the weight of your soft body.
I close my eyes.
I was talking to your father about you only two short days before I was diagnosed. I was so happy thinking of you.
“Let’s have another baby.” I said to him.
We were ready for you.
Life had other plans.
And so now, I hold you; in that place where all mothers hold their unborn babies.
Deep inside, where they still hear their coos and squeaks.
In that sacred place where love lives, you and I will always be.
I love you sweet child.
I love you. I love you. I love you.