Well, this sucks.
So, I started a blog for a few different reasons. My first one is that I’m a writer, and I know it sounds crazy but writers actually write, so I needed an outlet for my writing. The other is to banish my fear of writing for an audience (that’s you btw, you people terrify me). The third is that I had all these ideas swimming through my head – catchy titles, topics I wanted to explore and tease out, humorous takes and so on and so on. So here I am, my blog now up and running, I am ready to write and just let the words flow through my fingertips onto the screen. And what happens…
Nothing, nada. Apparently the ideas I had been having realized I actually wanted to publicize them, and just noped their way right on out of my head. “Oh you wanted to actually let us out? Ha, that’s funny, bye” they said as they vanished. So here I am with writer’s block. I have jotted down a few things that I am still working on, but one thing about being a writer is that you always think your writing sucks, at least I do, which is a good thing believe it or not. It leads you to keep pushing your writing to become better, to write and re-write until you meet your own expectations. The downside, other than crippling self-criticism that no amount of Oprah channel watching could bring you out of, is that you hold on to your stuff. You think it can always be better, and that it’s not ready yet, and think you need to re-read it just a couple more times. Before you know it you have your writing is sitting there in the back alley of your Microsoft Word getting high with that old Excel spreadsheet you started to keep track of your bills 5 years ago, abandoned and forgotten wondering what it did wrong and why you don’t love it anymore.
The funny thing about writing is that it’s not always about writing; it’s really an exercise in letting go. You see, creativity has no end, but time does. At some point you have to let go, because if you don’t then you aren’t really creating. There is an art to creating something, but moreover and art to releasing it and moving on. Like so many things in life, you can’t make room for the new stuff without getting rid of the old. You can’t make room for new opportunities without letting of old dreams. You can make room for new love without letting go of the old pain of the past, and you can’t create without letting go of what you made and making space for the next inspiration.
So here is to writing it out, even when it’s not perfect, even if it needs tweaking or a bit more polish. Here’s to letting go.
Now maybe those asshole ideas will come back to me.